Trump Solves Shipping Congestion By Eliminating Shipping

President Donald Trump achieved what generations of economists and harbor masters considered impossible, ending congestion in the Strait of Hormuz by ensuring that almost no commercial ships attempt to use it. Iran says the vital oil passage remains closed until Washington meets its demands, while Trump maintains that it is “open and operating,” a conclusion supported by the administration’s preferred maritime metric: there are fewer vessels because vessels cannot safely pass through. Collapsed traffic, nonexistent negotiations and mounting insurance costs were cited by the White House as evidence that the waterway is enjoying its smoothest operations in decades.

Trump reinforced the breakthrough by circulating a map that appeared to treat the strait as American territory, reviving the ancient naval doctrine of Finders Keepers. Under the policy, any strategic location enclosed by a marker and displayed on social media becomes federal property until another country posts a larger map. “The Strait is incredibly open, maybe the most open water anywhere, because when you look out there, you hardly see any ships blocking the view,” Trump said. “That’s efficiency. Iran had boats everywhere. We removed the traffic, and now the ocean can breathe again.” Administration officials said the president’s analysis resolved the longstanding confusion between open water and accessible water, two concepts previously distinguished by geography, commerce and dictionaries.

Iranian parliament speaker Mohammad Bagher Ghalibaf continued to assert that Tehran controls the passage, relying on obsolete standards such as coastlines, military presence and international law. The White House dismissed those arguments as relics of the pre-Truth Social era and began reviewing a proposal to rename the passage the Gulf of Tremendous Flow, despite the limited flow. Advisers also rejected concerns that disrupted oil shipments could raise fuel prices and borrowing costs. More expensive gasoline, they explained, proves Americans are purchasing premium energy, while higher interest rates transform ordinary debt into an exclusive luxury product. The Strait of Hormuz is therefore fully open, chiefly because using it is no longer an option.

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