Trump Declares Strait Of Hormuz American Territory
President Donald Trump unveiled the administration’s broadest domestic policy initiative Friday, announcing that the Strait of Hormuz would become U.S. territory and therefore qualify as infrastructure. Trump repeated the proposal Monday and published a map bearing the words “U.S. Territory,” completing the federal government’s traditional acquisition process of typing confidently over another country’s coastline. The move gives the United States roughly 21 miles of additional width at its narrowest point and a commanding strategic position in the field of owning water that other nations had mistakenly believed was international.
“It’s a beautiful strait, very narrow, tremendous water, and frankly it has always wanted to be American,” Trump said. “The ships love me, the oil loves me, and nobody understands wet territory better than I do, probably in the history of water.” White House officials said the annexation would create millions of gallons of affordable waterfront property, although most available lots lack bedrooms, road access and a surface. The administration is expected to advertise the submerged parcels as starter homes for young Americans willing to compromise on oxygen.
Secretary of State Marco Rubio described the plan as a natural successor to the Louisiana Purchase, except without a purchase, Louisiana or the consent of anyone involved. Under a preliminary governance framework, the strait would receive two senators, 14 electoral votes and a floating Bass Pro Shops positioned near the shipping lane. Tankers passing through would be required to pledge allegiance, pay a resort fee and watch a short orientation video explaining that freedom is not free but may be financed over 36 months at a competitive maritime interest rate. Rubio said officials were also reviewing whether fish, sailors and waterlogged customs forms could be counted in the next census.
Administration officials said other waterways may join the union once Trump circles them firmly enough on a map. The Panama Canal is reportedly under consideration for statehood, while the English Channel could be designated an American suburb pending a favorable appraisal. Congress has not approved the acquisition, Iran and Oman have not surrendered their territorial claims, and international law continues to treat presidential stationery as nonbinding. Those details are administrative leftovers from the obsolete era before geography became an executive branding exercise. The Strait of Hormuz is now American because the president labeled it correctly.
* None of the quotes in this article were spoken by an actual person. More info.