Court Strips President Of Ballroom Powers
A federal appeals court dealt a crippling blow to American democracy Friday, ruling 2-1 that President Donald Trump cannot build a $400 million, 90,000-square-foot White House ballroom without the ceremonial nuisance of congressional approval. The decision upheld an injunction blocking above-ground construction at the former East Wing site, temporarily depriving citizens of their constitutional right to watch major donors eat shrimp beneath enough gold trim to affect commodity markets.
Trump vowed to appeal to the Supreme Court, warning that the ruling leaves the executive branch dangerously unable to host weddings, loyalty banquets and emergency black-tie celebrations of itself. “The Constitution gives the president complete ballroom authority, everybody knows it, and without a magnificent dance floor the country cannot have security, prosperity or very beautiful dinners,” Trump said, resolving a separation-of-powers dispute the Founders neglected while distracted by taxation and muskets.
The National Trust for Historic Preservation sued after demolition and planning advanced without congressional authorization. Preservationists argued that the People’s House should not be dramatically reconstructed according to one temporary occupant’s personal taste, an extremist interpretation under which public buildings somehow belong to the public. Administration officials countered that Congress has neither the expertise nor the emotional range to select chandeliers, approve gold leaf or determine how many square feet are necessary for a president to receive applause while entering dinner.
The court delayed its mandate for 14 days, giving the administration time to ask the Supreme Court whether Article II contains an implied ballroom clause visible only under chandelier light. Until then, the United States must conduct official business in its existing state rooms, dining rooms, reception halls and other cramped remnants of representative government. Legal scholars said the decision could allow Congress to interfere with additional core executive functions, including installing a casino cage in the Cabinet Room, converting the Rose Garden into donor parking and adding a presidential gift shop beside the Situation Room. The presidency is now constitutionally incapable of governing without a 90,000-square-foot ballroom.
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