Trump Orders Senate To Save Democracy By Predetermining It
President Donald Trump demanded that Senate Majority Leader John Thune cancel the August recess until Republicans pass the SAVE America Act or abolish the filibuster, whichever route most efficiently protects democracy from its procedural safeguards. The legislation would require documentary proof of citizenship to register and photo identification to vote, establishing that the constitutional right to cast a ballot is best administered like an application for a small-business loan. Thune has noted that the measure lacks the 60 Senate votes needed to advance, although the White House maintains that 53 becomes 60 when counted with sufficient patriotism.
Trump described the proposal as the largest expansion of voting access since Americans were granted the opportunity to wait six hours outside a school gymnasium. “We’re opening voting to everybody who has a passport, a birth certificate, several utility bills, a perfect filing system and tremendous upper-body strength,” Trump said. “Nobody has ever made voting this easy, especially for people who already have every document.” The president has called the legislation necessary to “guarantee the midterms,” reassuring voters that the administration’s only goal is to protect elections from the dangerous unpredictability of election results.
Thune continues to insist that Senate arithmetic exists, forcing Trump to urge lawmakers to remain in Washington until they pass the bill, eliminate the filibuster or admit that representative government is no excuse for inconveniencing him. Supporters emphasized that eligible citizens unable to produce the required paperwork would not technically be disenfranchised; they would simply be transferred into democracy’s new scavenger-hunt division, where constitutional rights remain available during normal business hours with two forms of identification. The White House further clarified that opponents of the measure support illegal voting, fraudulent voting, recreational voting and voting by citizens who irresponsibly moved apartments without preserving an electric bill from 1998. By narrowing participation to Americans whose paperwork is already in order, the administration has conclusively made voting accessible to everyone who does not need help accessing it.
* None of the quotes in this article were spoken by an actual person. More info.