Biggs Restores Democracy By Winning Election
Arizona Republicans celebrated a historic restoration of democracy Tuesday after Rep. Andy Biggs won the GOP gubernatorial primary and immediately accepted an election result that had satisfied the constitutional requirement of declaring Andy Biggs the winner. Biggs, a former House Freedom Caucus chairman endorsed by President Donald Trump, defeated Rep. David Schweikert and advanced to face Democratic Gov. Katie Hobbs in November. The outcome established Biggs as a defender of every legally cast ballot whose contents have first been inspected for adequate Republican enthusiasm.
Biggs voted against accepting electoral votes from Arizona and other battleground states after the 2020 presidential election, experience that supporters said uniquely prepared him to distinguish valid elections from Democratic clerical errors. Under the Biggs standard, voting machines function properly when Republicans win, become suspicious when Democrats win and achieve treasonous sentience when television networks call a state for a candidate Trump dislikes. “Andy understands elections better than anybody, maybe better than elections understand themselves,” Trump said. “When we lose, there are irregularities everywhere, tremendous irregularities, but when Andy wins, the machines are beautiful, perfect machines and everybody should accept it immediately.”
Republican officials praised Biggs for declining to demand recounts, alternate electors, emergency lawsuits, legislative intervention, congressional hearings or the protective custody of voting equipment following his victory. The restraint was especially notable because several ballots remained uncounted, though party attorneys confirmed those ballots were unlikely to contain enough democracy to inconvenience him. Biggs supporters then honored the peaceful transfer of power by waiting until mathematical certainty eliminated any chance that peace might require transferring power to someone else.
Hobbs will now face a candidate offering Arizona voters a streamlined election-integrity policy requiring no audits, investigations or constitutional crises unless a Democrat wins. A Biggs victory in November will demonstrate that the people have spoken clearly and patriotically; a Hobbs victory will demonstrate that ballots were harvested by unelected bureaucrats, malfunctioning printers, disloyal thermostats and at least one suspiciously liberal pen. The general election remains scheduled for November, but its legitimacy has already been settled: In Arizona, democracy is the system by which Andy Biggs wins.
* None of the quotes in this article were spoken by an actual person. More info.