Biden Announces Nationwide Mandate for Ghost Costumes on Halloween

On Sunday, October 31, 2021, in a surprise executive action that astonished both parties, President Joe Biden announced a new nationwide mandate requiring all Americans to wear ghost costumes on Halloween. He justified the order, suggesting it was necessary for national unity and mystical defense.

“We must unite as a nation under one phantom face,” Biden declared from the White House Rose Garden, flanked by Democratic leaders and a large papier-mâché ghost. “There is power in numbers, and if we, as a country, show a united specter front, it will instill a sense of camaraderie among us and deter potential mystical threats.”

Repercussions of the Ghost Costume Mandate

The announcement attracted immediate backlash from Republican lawmakers and even certain Democrats. The opposition argued that the mandate infringes on individuals’ rights to choose their Halloween attire.

Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell criticized Biden’s decision vehemently. “This is an unacceptable overreach of executive authority,” McConnell said. “Americans should have the freedom to dress as they choose — be it a ghost, ghoul, goblin or gorilla.”

Even some within Biden’s party such as Senator Joe Manchin voiced concerns over the orders’ potential to infringe on individual liberties.

Biden’s Clerical Assertion

In a stunning and obviously false statement, President Biden claimed: “The Constitution clearly states in Article II, Section 4, that the President shall have the authority to designate national Halloween attire.” However, that section of the Constitution actually deals with the grounds for impeachment of federal officials, not any Halloween-related mandates.

The mandate goes into effect Halloween 2022, and anyone not complying will supposedly be visited by the spirit of Uncle Sam, as President Biden asserted in the conclusion of his address. Whether this will stand in court or prove popular with the public remains to be seen.

* None of the quotes in this article were spoken by an actual person. More info.